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Transcript Ha Ha Ha SILAS: Three weeks, and we're still no close to cracking this. Right! Bring him in! LUCY: Yes, sir. AGNES: This is the best party EVER! Oh, no! A dragon is approaching! Ahhh!! Fear not, for here come the valiant knights to save us! What do you mean she's not coming? I have a backyard full of these little girls who are counting on the visit from the Fairy Princess! Gru: Listen! I don't want a refund! I want the Fairy Princess! Please, please, I'm begging you! You know what? I hope you can sleep at night, you crusher of little girls' dreams! Oh, oh, when's the Fairy Princess coming? Any minute now! Yay! Stall them! Margo: Whoa, whoa, okay, okay... Alright, that's enough of the magic show! Minions: Aww! Margo: Wait, did you hear that? It sounded like the twinkling sounds of magical fairy dust. Agnes: [gasps] It's the Fairy Princess! SHE'S COMING! Look! It is I, GruTinkerbell! The most magical Fairy Princess of all! I am here to wish Princess Agnes, A very happy birthday! Girl: How come you're so fat? Because... My house is made of candy! And sometimes, I eat instead of facing my problems! How come you ha--- Okay, time for cake! Yay! Thank you, GruTinkerbell! You're the best Fairy Princess ever! You are welcome, little girl! Agnes: [whispering] I know it's really you, Gru. I'm just pretending for the other kids. Hey there, Gru, Mister Life of the party! Hello, Jillian! Jillian: So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but my friend Natalie, is recently single, and... Gru: No, no, no! Get off the limb right now! No limb. Jillian: Come on! She's a riot! She sings karaoke, she has a lot of free time, looks aren't that important to her! Gru: No, Jills, it's not happening. Seriously, I'm fine. Jillian: Okay, fine, forget Natalie. How about my cousin Linda? Gru: No. Jillian: Oh, I know someone whose husband just died... Gru: [dryly] I'm sorry, I did not see you there. Or there. [chuckes softly] Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, stop! Stop doing your business on the Petunias! There you go, go to Fred's. Go crazy. Good boy. Lucy: [off-screen] Mr. Gru? Gru: Wha, I didn't, wha.. Yes? Hi! Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL. Oh... oops! Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me. Oh, sorry, I'm--- Freeze Ray! You know you really should announce your weapons after ''you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example... Lipstick taser! Oh, it works so good. Ouch... Where is it... Oh.. Sorry. Ughh.. arghhh.. Get... in... there,... you... big... man. Whoa, curses... Cannot feel... Good afternoon, Mr. Gru. Yeah... '''Silas': I apologize for our methods in getting you here. Lucy: I don't! I'd do it again in a heartbeat! I am not gonna lie, I enjoyed that. Every second of it. Gave me bit of a buzz, actually... Silas: That's enough, Agent Wilde. Lucy: Sorry, sir. Okay, this is bogus! I don't know who you think you people are, but... Silas: We are the Anti-Villain League. An ultra secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank, we're not interested. Kill someone, not our deal. But you were to melt the polar ice caps, or vaporize Mount Fuji, or even, steal the moon? Then, we notice. Gru: First of all, you got no proof that I did that. Second, after I did ''do that, I put it back! '''Silas': We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru. That's why we brought you here. I am the league director, Silas Ramsbottom. Stuart: Heehee... Bottom. Silas: [unamused] Hilarious. [sighs] Agent Wilde... Lucy: Oh, me now? Um recently, an entire top secret lab disappeared from the Arctic Circle. Yeah. The entire lab, just... whoosh! Voom. Gone. Where did it go? Gri: I don't care. Lucy: Hmm... The lab was devoted to experiments involving PX-41. A transmutation serum. What is PX-41, you ask? Hmmm... it's pretty bad. Look. Gru: Huh... You usually don't see that in bunnies. Silas: As you could see, in the wrong hands, the PX-41 serum, could be the most devastating weapon on Earth. [struggles to get through the table opening] Fortunately, it has a very distinct chemical footprint. And, using the latest chem. tracking technology, we found traces of it in the Paradise Mall. Gru: Huh.. A Mall. Silas: Precisely. And we believe that one of these shop owners is a master criminal. And that's where you come in. As an ex-villain, you know how a villain thinks, and acts. Lucy: The plan is to set you up undercover at a shop in the mall, where hopefully... Gru: Okay! I see where this is going! With all the Mission: Impossible-stuff, but no, no! I'm a father now. And, a legitimate businessman. I am developing a line of delicious jams and jellies. Silas: [chuckles] "Jams and jellies"? Gru: Oh, attitude! That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. And here's a tip: instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, [angrily] maybe you should just give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepbutt! Silas: Ramsbottom. Gru: [chuckles; sarcastically] Oh, yeah, like that's any better! Lucy: Look, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but... Your work as a villain, was kind of, amazing. So if you ever wanna get back to doing something awesome... Give us a call. Gru: [whispering] Hey, I told you guys to get to bed. Margo: Oh, sorry. Edith: So, when ya goin' on your date? Gru: [confused] What? Edith: Remember? Ms. Jillian said she was arranging a date for you. Gru: Yeah, well, she is a nutjob and I'm not going on any date. Edith: Why not? Are you scared? Hey, did you guys see the moon landing on TV? Can you believe it? It's so cool! - Yeah, and you know what? - Excuse me... Lisa? Hmmm.. Hey, Lisa, YOUNG GRU: I was wondering, if you... Ewww! Gru touched Lisa! Gru touched Lisa! Lisa's got Gruties! Gru: Scared? Of what? Women?! No! That's bonkers! I just, I've no interest in going on a date, that's all! Case closed! I'm not scared... Of women. Or dates. Let's go to bed. Goodnight, Edith. [kisses her forehead before pulling the beanie over her eyes] Goodnight, Margo. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, hold the horses, who are you texting? Margo: No one! Just my friend Avery. Gru: Avery... Eh? Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name? Margo: Does it matter? Gruc: No! No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy! Agnes: I know what makes you a boy. Gru: [concerned] Uhh,...oohh... you... do? Agnes: Your bald head. Gru: Ohh. Yes. Agnes: It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare at it, and imagine a little chick popping out. Peep-peep-peep! Gru: Goodnight, Agnes. [kisses her forehead] Never get older. Gru: Hey, yo! Hey, Tim, nice haircut! Donny, hang in there, baby! [high-fives Donny] It's almost Friday! So, how's today's batch, Dr. Nefario? Dr. Nefario: I developed a new formula which allowed me to get every known kind of berry into one flavour of jelly. Gru: Arghhh... Ugh... That tastes good! [gags] Love the flavour of that... Dr. Nefario: It's horrible, isn't it? Gru: No, no! Oh, we're making great progress! Here, try some of this. GRU: Whoa... Okay, just because everybody hates it, doesn't mean it's not good! Dr. Nefario: Listen, Gru... There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for some time now. Gru: What, what's wrong? Dr. Nefario: [clears his throat] I miss being evil. Sinister plots, large-scale crimes, it's what I live for! I mean, don't you think there's more for our future than... jelly? Gru: Well, I'm also considering a line of jams. DR.NEFARIO: Umm... The thing is, Gru... [takes a deep breath] I've had an offer of employment elsewere. Gru: Dr. Nefario! Oh, come on. You're kidding, right? Dr. Nefario: This is a great opportunity for me... Bigger lab, more evil... full dental... Gru: [stares back and sighs] Very well... Let us give you the proper send-off. Minions! [seven Minions, each carrying a Fart Gun, step forward; sollemmly] The highest honour awarded to Dr. Nefario, for your years of service, the 21 Fart Gun Salute! Uhh, I counted twenty-two. Farewell, my friends. This may take a while. Go about your business! I miss you already! Phil: Ehh? Oh, Bello! Agnes: Are you sure we should be doing this? Margo: Yes, it's for his own good. Okay, we need to choose a picture. No. Scary. Edith: Weird. Ahh!! Agnes: What is that?! Gru: [enters the family room] Good morning, girls, I have an announcement to make! Margo: Hey, what celebrity do you look like? Gru: Uhh... Bruce Willis? The girls stare at Gru blankly. Margo: Hmmm. No. Agnes: [raises her hand] Humpty Dumpty! Edith: Oooh, Gollum! Girls: [laugh] Gru: Okay, what are you doing? Agnes: We're signing you up for online dating! Gru: Oh. Okay,... WHAT!? No, no, no, no, no, no. Edith: Oh, come on. It's fun. Margo: And, it's time for you to get out there. Gru: No, stop. No one is ever getting out there! Ever! [passes over the laptop to an Minion, smacking him; sollemly] Okay... Now, for the announcement. I have accepted a new job! Margo: Whoa, really? Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world! Edith: You're gonna be a spy?! Gru: That's ''right, baby! Gru's back in the game! With gadgets, and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal! '''Edith': Awesome! Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world? Gru: [coolly] Yes. Yes, I am. Dave: Mocha! Tim: Cacao! Stuart: Pompadum? Eh? He, he... Gru: Hmm... "Bake My Day". [disturbed] Blugh... Alright, here is the cupcake recipe I got on the internet. And don't go nuts with the sprinkles! Ahh! Ahh! Hiyatt .. hah huh ..huh... huh... huh ..huh... huh... huh ..huh... huh... Hiya ..hiya... hiyaa Hiya ..hiya... hiyaa Whooh! Wasn't expecting that! Or was I? Oh, you, you got, you got... Umm..Umm... A little... Here, I'll get it. Uhmm, it's spreading. Gru: Alright, alright. I got it. I got it. Stop it! Lucy: Oh... [takes a breath] I'll let you get it. [Gru sighs and begins to wipe the frosting off his face] Yeah, what you just saw there was a little something new I've been working on. It's a combination of Jujitsu, Krav maga, Aztec warfare, and Krumping. Gru: Okay, that's weird. Why are you here? Lucy: On assignment from Silas. I'm your new partner! Yay! Gru: What?! No! No, [mocking Lucy] "Yay!". Ramsbottom didn't say anything about a partner. Lucy: Well, seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me! I stepped up! And I'm new, so I have to do what they tell me anyway. Dave: Voila! Lucy: You know this guy? Gru: [callous] Yes, he's one of my minions. Lucy: Ohh... I'm sorry. I should have known. You are free to go! Gru: Dave... [whistles aloud] Earth to Dave! Dave: Huh? Gru: You can leave now. Dave: Oh, uhh... Gru: So, what do we got? Who's on the list? Fire them at me. Lucy: First suspect, Heden Blumentoft, proprietor of "Mum's the Word" Floral shop. Gru: No, not her. Lucy: Okay. Moving on... Chuck Kinny, owner of "Stuff-a-Bear". Lucy: Ooh. Gru: I don't think so. Hello? Oh! Eduardo: Buenos Dias, my friends! I am, Eduardo Perez. Owner of "Salsa and Salsa" restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are? Gru: [holding a spoon] Gru! And this is Lucy, and we are closed. Eduardo: This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco De Mayo party. And I am going to need 200 of your best cupcakes. Decorated with, the Mexican Flag. It looks something like this. What do you think? Ughh... Gru: Look away! Eduardo: Anyway, I have to go. It's all settled. I'll pick them up next week. Have a good day! Come by if you get a chance, okay? GRU: Ahh... EDUARDO: And welcome, to the Mall family. GRU: El Macho! Lucy: What? GRU: But it couldn't be... Lucy: Wha-- what couldn't be? GRU: That guy looks exactly like the villain named "El Macho". From about 20 years ago... He was ruthless... He was dangerous... And as the name implies... Very macho! He had a reputation of pulling a heist, using only his bare hands! Ah, but sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone, too soon... He died in the most macho way possible. Riding a shark, with 250,000 dynamites strapped to his chest, into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious! LUCY: Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty dead? GRU: They never found the body. Oh, no. All that was ever retrieved, was a pile of singed chest hair. But that face! It has got to be El Macho. Lucy: [gasps] Then what do you say, you and I break into his restaurant? Tonight? Gru: Yes, that's good. Because I'm telling you, if anybody in this place has the PX-41 serum, it's him! Gru: Alright, alright, homework done, pyjamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed. Margo: What's the big hurry? Gru: I just, I have a lot of work to do. Edith: Work? What kind of work? Gru: Very important business. So hugs, kisses. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs... Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...Wha...? Agnes: But you said you'd help me practice my part for the mother's day show. Gru: [sighs] Fine, fine. [reluctant] Let me hear it, quickly. AGNES: [robotically] "She kisses my boo-boos." She braids my hair. My mother is beyond compare. We love you, mothers everywhere... Gru: Wow, that was, something else! I really like the way you smiled ''at the end. Let's try this one more time but a tinsy-bit less like a zombie. Okay? '''Agnes': Okay. "She kisses my boo-boos. She braids my hair..." GRU: Perfect! Time to go. Agnes: I don't think I should do this. Gru: Well, what do you mean? Why not? Agnes: I don't even have a mom. Gru: Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's day pageant and you haven't been in combat. Agnes: This is different. GRU: Okay, well, then, maybe you can just use your imagination. You mean, I pretend I have a mom? Yes. Right? You can do that, can't you? Agnes: Yeah! I do that all the time. Thanks, Gru! Gru: Alright. No, hey... Please... Kevin, Jerry, watch the girls for me, okay? Dave! Stuart! Come this way, with me. Come on! Come on! Dave: Mmm-''hmm''! Gru: We're stealth ninjas. We make no sound. Right. Gotcha Hiyah!! Gru: Alright, El Macho, you're going down. Lucy: Wait! Wait. What? What are you doing? Lucy: I'm checking for laser beam alarm triggers. Gru: It's a restaurant! Lucy: You never know what kind of booby traps this guy could've set. Huh? Come on. Gru: There are no booby traps. Hah! Booby! Ugh... Huh... it's a chicken. Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost. Hah! Some guard dog! No, no, no! Get it off of me! Get it off of me! Uh..uhh uh... ah... I got you! Ohhh..oh ahhhh... ahh... I got it! Ah... Oh.. Lucy: What is wrong with that chicken? [pause] Hey, that Pollo is Loco. [chuckles; Gru is unamused by her reaction] No? Okay, let's go. You getting anything? No. Not yet. But hey, maybe you can find something with these X-ray goggles! Aww. Lucy: How're they working? Tell me, tell me! Ahh! Ooh! Lucy: What's wrong? Something wrong? Gru: Oh, That's an image I'll never get out of my brain! Blugh! I knew it! The serum's in here! Lucy: Ooh, then let's get it! This is going to be good! Ah... A-ha! What? Secret Salsa Recipe This is, Salsa? Lucy: Aww, man... Somebody is going to die tonight. Oh.. Polito! Polito, Polito, can you hear me? Who would do this to such a sweet little chicken? Who's there? Uh-oh! You coming out, or am I gonna go in? Stop! My eyes! Lucy: Gru, call one of your munchkins! Gru: We've been spotted! Come get us! Dave: Huh? [to Stuart] Hey! Loo-koo-meow-pah! Stuart: Ahh! Koom-kwat! LUCY: Oh. Subtle. Over here! Over here. Over... [flatly] here. Hold tight! I have you now! Yay! Ice cream! Lucy: Alright, there he is. Suspect #8. Floyd Eagle-san. Gru: Oh, Okay. LUCY: See if you can get closer. Go. Go! GRU: Alright. What do... Oh, no... That's not good! Hey, wait! Agnes: Hey, Gru! Gru: Oh, girls! What are you doing here? Margo: Well, we thought we'd come visit you at work. So you're saving the world in a garbage can? Gru: [laughs sarcastically] Funny. Lucy: Hey! There you are! Oh, who's this? GRU: Lucy, these are my girls. Margo, Edith and Agnes. Girls, Lucy. Lucy, girls. Margo: Hello. Edith: Hi. AGNES: Are you single? Lucy Oh.. Goodness. Gru: Oh, hey! I have an idea. Since Lucy and I have lots of work to do, why don't you girls go and explore the mall? Here is some money. Go buy some useless mall junk. Some headbands and... Agnes: Are you gonna marry Lucy? Gru: Are you out of your gourd? No! She just works with me. Agnes: Plus you love her. You love her! You love her! You really, really love her! GRU: Okay, stop. This is a song of lies. I don't even like her. Now go have fun. [sighs] Agnes: Almost forgot! Hugs! Margo: Good luck saving the world! Bye! Agnes: Bye, Gru! Gru: Kids... right? They're... funny. Lucy: Those girls totally adore you. I bet you're a fun dad. Gru: [blandly] Huh. I'm pretty fun. That's stealing. Not if my wish was to ever get a hundred free coins. ¶¶This rainy day is temporary¶¶ ¶¶The contrast is why we got him¶¶ ¶¶The sunshine, ooh, is just a cloud¶¶ ¶¶away way way way way way¶¶ - ¶¶ The day could change¶¶ - ¶¶ change change change¶¶ Antonio: Cool glasses. Margo: Uhh... [chuckles nervously] Antonio: I'm Antonio. Margo: I'm.. Margo. Antonio: I was just going to get a cookie. Care to join me? Margo: [nervous] Uhh... sure... I'm... Margo. EDITH: Uh-Ahemm! MARGO: Umm... I'll catch up with you guys later. Bye! Edith: [in disgust] Can I be the first to say... "Eww"! Agnes: [eagerly shaking Edith] We gotta go tell Gru! Meanwhile, Gru arrives at the Eagle Hair Club entrance, and contacts Lucy Gru: Alright, I'm going in. Lucy: If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle [aloud] will make a sound like this. Mee-Mo! Mee-Mo! Mee-Mo! Gru: Okay! I get it. I get it. FLOYD: Welcome to "Eagle Hair Club". It's about time you showed up. Mr. Gru. GRU: You... know my name? Floyd: [chuckles] When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad. There you go, my sweet. Lucy: I'm getting nothing so far. I think you need to move around. GRU: Wow, this looks interesting. What is it? I take it you're an art lover? No serum. Yeah, not so much. Oh, how about this impressive trinket? Floyd: [gasps] I hardly call it trinket, Mr. Gru. Nothing. The International... Yeah, I don't care. Hold on, I'm picking up something. Behind that wall! Ahh... and what do we have here? These are my trial wigs. You should take one. Gru: No, thanks. So what's on the other side of the wall? FLOYD: There you are! Look at me! Focus! LUCY: Gru? FLOYD: I promise, that this wig will transform you, from ugly, to irresistible. Agnes: Margo has a boyfriend! Edith: And they're going on a date! Gru: Date?! Boyfriend?! What?! Agnes: There she goes! Margo: [chuckles] Oh, you're so funny. Edith: Gross! Look, they're in love! Gru: Oh, no, no. Do not say that they're--- no, no, no! Antonio: [suave] And my dream, is to one day, play video games for a living. Margo: [romantically] Wow! [chuckles] You're so complicated. GRU: Margo. [Margo suddenly gasp in astonishment; smiling nervously] What is going on here? Margo: Oh, Gru. Se llama, Antonio. Me llamo, Margo. Gru: Me-llamo-Lama-Ding-Dong, Who cares? Let's go. EDUARDO: Kids eat free on Tuesdays. Papa! So good to see you again, mi compadre! Oh.. I see you have already met my father. What the... father? Si! Look at this crazy small world we live in, eh? Come, sit! Let me get you something. Oh, look at you! Ha ha! He likes me! Eduardo: Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Polito is usually very friendly. He had a rough night. Pollito stares at Gru relentlessly. Gru: Ha ha ha... Well, we really should be going. Girls, come on. Eduardo: That is a pity. Young love, is beautiful, no? Gru: No! [chuckles nervously] You know, they are not in love. They hardly know each other. Eduardo You are right, cabeza del Huevo. They must get to know each other better. Antonio, why don't you invite your girlfriend? And her family. To our Cinco De Mayo party. Gru: No, no... Edith and Agnes: Si! Silas: I'm sorry. El Macho? Haven't we eliminated him as a suspect after the whole "salsa" incident? Gru: Yes, but there has been a new development, and I'm telling you, this is the guy. You need to arrest him immediately, a''nd his deviously charming son! I'm pretty sure that the son is involved too. The son, also! You got to get the son! [''about Antonio; whispering] I think that the son is the mastermind. There's a look, there's a devilish look in his eyes, and I don't like it! Silas: Yes, but I don't really see any evidence... Gru: Evidence, schmevidence! I go with my gut, and my gut tells me that this ''guy is El Macho. Lock him up, lock up the son, don't forget about the son! The kid ''GIVES ME'' THE CREEPS''!' '''Silas' Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear... Lucy: Uh, but on the less [whistles] crazy side of things, uh, Gru discovered traces of the serum at Eagle Hair Club! Silas: Hmm. Interesting. Lucy: Yeah! And you know who made that happen? Huh? This guy. Nailed it. Amazing, right? Gru: No, I mean... Sure, but it's not him! It is El Macho... Silas: Mr. Gru, please... Gru: No, it is him and I will prove it. Lucy: Gru, come on. [turns to Silas, chuckling nervously] He really thinks it's El Macho. [pause] Can you tell? ¶¶ In the summer time when the weather is high¶¶ ¶¶You can stretch right up and touch the sky¶¶ ¶¶ We go fishing' or go swimming' in the sea¶¶ ¶¶ We're always happy¶¶ ¶¶ Life's for living' yeah, that's our philosophy¶¶ ¶¶ Sing along with us¶¶ ¶¶ Dee dee dee-dee dee¶¶ ¶¶ Dah dah dah-dah dah¶¶ ¶¶ Yeah we're hap-happy¶¶ ¶¶ Dah dah-dah¶¶ ¶¶ Dee-dah-do dee-dah-do dah-do-dah¶¶ ¶¶ Dah-do-dah-dah-dah¶¶ Edith: Give me that! Gru: Huuu... Kevin, the wi-fi's out! [pause] Kevin? Hey, Lance, where the heck is Kevin? Lance shrugs and blows a raspberry. Gru: Alright, we need to revisit the number of vacation days you guys get. I can't find anybody anymore! Jillian: Gru, it's Jillian! I've got good news! I have my friend Shannon here with me. I was thinking you two could get some grub. You know, tear it up, see what happens. Open up! Gru: Agnes! Agnes, tell Jillian I'm not here. Agnes: Gru's not here! Jillian: Are you sure? Agnes: Yes, he just told me! Gru: [cringes] Mmm-mmm! I mean no, he didn't just tell me. JILLIAN: Agnes, where is Gru? AGNES: He's putting on lipstick. He's, swatting at flies. Gru: No! [makes a "cut it off" gesture] No! Agnes: He's, chopping his head off! He's... pooping? Jillian: I know you're in there, Gru. There's no way you're getting out of this. Shannon: I have to tell you I was so nervous about tonight. I mean there's just so many phonies out there. Gru: Yes, I hear you. Ha..ha..ha.. Shannon: Oh. So, do you work out? Gru: Well... Shannon: I mean, obviously you don't. But would you consider it? Huh? Physical fitness is very important to Shannon. As you can tell, right? Huh? Gru: Ah, I can tell. Shannon: Solid! Gru: We are in a restaurant, you know? Hi, take out for Lucy. Sure, just a sec. Shannon: [heard through device] Your accent is so exotic. Gru: Ah..well, thank you very much. I was... Shannon: I know someone who can fix that for you. And you'll be talking normal in no time! Gru: Whew... Is it hot in here? How's the food? SHANNON: Wait a minute, wait a minute... Are you wearing a wig? Gru: What? Ah, I don't think so. Shannon: I knew it. You're a phony. I hate phonies! Gru: Oh... what? No, these locks are all mine... Shannon: No, they're not! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna rip that thing off your head and show everyone [heard through device] what a bald-headed phony you are! Lucy: I don't think so, Miss Lady. Gru: [confused] Hello? Hello... Are you... Lucy: [off-screen] Hey, Gru. Gru: Hello! Lucy. How you doin'? Lucy: Wow, looks like your date's out for the count. It's like she's been shot with a mild tranquilizer. SHANNON: Noooo... Yeah, I'm winking 'cause that's what actually happened. Excusi, what's happening here? She no like? Lucy: Oh, she's just, uhh... Oh.. Oh-ho-ho.. Si! Si. Shall we take her home? Lucy: Yeah, I think you did it. You just officially had the worst date ever. Gru: Huh. Tell me about it. Lucy: Don't worry. It can only get better from here, right? But if it doesn't, you can always borrow my dart gun. I've had to use it on one or two dates myself. Gru: Yeah, you know as far as dates go, I think I'm good with just the one. [chuckles softly] Lucy: Well, good night, partner. This was fun. Gru: Yes. Surprisingly, it was. Lucy: Oh, and, uhh... Just between you and me? You look much better bald. See you tomorrow! ¶¶It might seem crazy what I'm about to say¶¶ ¶¶Sunshine she's here, you can take away¶¶ ¶¶I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space¶¶ MARGO: So, I take it the date went well? GRU: No, it was horrible. ¶¶ Like I don't care baby by the way¶¶ ¶¶ Because I'm happy¶¶ ¶¶Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof¶¶ ¶¶ Because I'm happy Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth¶¶ ¶¶ Because I'm happy Clap along if you know what happiness is to you¶¶ ¶¶Because I'm happy Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do¶¶ ¶¶ Bring me down Bring your Mocking Bring me Down¶¶ ¶¶ Because I'm happy Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof¶¶ ¶¶Because I'm happy Clap along if you know what's best what you wanna do¶¶ GRU: [confused] Mr. Ramsbottom? SILAS: Oh, hello. GRU: What are you doing here? SILAS: We got him. GRU: Got who? Silas: Floyd Eagle-san. Our agents located a secret room in his shop last night, and, uh, discovered this. It's empty but we found traces of the PX-41 serum in it. He is our man. So, somehow, in spite of your incompetence, we solved this one. Floyd: I was framed! You won't get away with this! Get your mitts off of me! I am a legitimate businessman! Gru: [stunned] Ah... Alright, so... What now? Silas: Well, now, you're free to go back to your "business". Hmmm! Jams and jellies. And it looks like Agent Wilde will be transferring to our Australian branch. Gru: Australia? Silas: Yes. But thank you, for everything. And by everything, of course I mean... nothing. Toddle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru. Lucy: Hey there. Gru: Hey. Lucy: So, we got him. Gru: Yay! That's great. [pause] And now you're going to Australia? Lucy: Well, it's not definite yet. I'm still figuring it out. Already been working on my accent. [in an Australian accent] Wallaby, Didgereedoo, Hugh Jackman. [chuckles] So, umm... Pretty excited. Silence. Gru: [smiling] Great. [shyly] Well, good luck. Lucy: Thanks. You too. Oh, here. I wanted to give you this. Gru: Your lipstick taser? Lucy: Yeah, it's just a memento. Just.. you know. From, the first time we met. Gru: Oh. Thank you, Lucy. Silas: Agent Wilde? Gru: Well, it looks like they need you. So... Lucy: Yeah... I uh, I better go. Bye, Gru. I brought you an umbrella. Ah, thank you. What are you doing out here? Remember when you said that I liked Lucy? Well, it turns out... you're right. Really? Yes, but... Well, she's moving away. I'm never going to see her again. Is there anything I can do to help? I don't... I don't think so, sweetheart. Well is there anything you could do? GRU: Hello, Lucy. This is Gru. I know... Up to this point, our relationship has been strictly professional. And you're leaving for Australia and all... But... Okay, here is the question. Would you like to... To go out on a date... STUART: Ayyy... No. GRU: Okay, that's not helping. Alright. Here we go. For real this time. I can do this. I hate you. CARL: Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Do Bee... Edith: Whoa! This place is awesome! GRU: Okay, let's party! Huh? But first, let's go over the rules! Because, what is fun without the rules? Agnes, easy on the churros. Edith, try to not kill anyone. EDITH: Hai! GRU: Margo, Antonio: Hello, Mr. Gru. Gru: Argh.. okay. MARGO: Gru! Gru: There must be the standard 6 feet of space, between you and boys. [referring to Antonio] Especially this boy. ANTONIO: Ah, you are a funny man. There are no rules, señor. It's Cinco De Mayo! Come on! They're starting to dance! So glad you could make it, mi compadre! Hey, what's wrong? GRU: Oh, nothing. Nothing's wrong. I'm just chilling. With the guac from my chip hat. EDUARDO: Gru, please. I know that look all too well. It is the look of a broken heart. GRU: How did you know? EDUARDO: Believe me, my friend. I, too, have spent many nights trying to drown my sorrows, in Guacamole. Gru: You? EDUARDO: Yes. But, we are survivors. There is much more to us than meets the eye, hm? Enjoy the party. Lucy: Say what? Would you like some peanuts or pretzels? Ha..ha..ha... That's a good joke. I just did a boom-boom. I really need you to make a choice hon. LUCY: I choose Gru. I choose Gru! Thank you, Gru stewardess! You're welcome! EL MACHO: You have not lost your touch, my friend. Gru: Aha! I knew it! You are ''El Macho. EL MACHO: That's right! '''Gru': Nobody believed me! But I knew you weren't dead. EL MACHO: Of course not. I merely faked my death. But now... It's time for me, to make a spectacular return to evil. Doctor, I think it's time we showed Gru what we're up to here? Gru: Dr. Nefario? DR. NEFARIO: Nice to see you, Gru! GRU: Whaaa... This... so this is your new job opportunity? DR. NEFARIO: Absolutely. You're gonna like this. EL MACHO: Sorry. I had to borrow some of your minions, but it was for a worthy cause. Gru: Oooh... Kevin! Ugh! EL MACHO: No, he is not Kevin anymore! Now... He is an indestructible, mindless, killing machine! EVIL KEVIN: Bah! El Macho: [jumps in fear, but quickly recovers] Just watch this. [presses a button] EVIL KEVIN: Bah! EL MACHO: And here's the best part: I got an army of them! Soon, I will unleash them, on the world! And if anyone, anyone tries to stop them... YEOW! Their city gets eaten! We can do it together! Gru: Together? EL MACHO: Together! I have admired your work for years, amigo. Stealing the moon? Are you kidding? We would be unstoppable. Men like you, men like me... We should be ruling the world! So, are you in? DR. NEFARIO: Woo-hoo! GRU: Oh, yeah! Probably... Probably? GRU: I mean, yes! Yes, Of course, yes. I just, have a lot going on right now. I just need to get some things off my plate, before we start taking over the world, that's all. EL MACHO: Excuse me? Gru: No, no, forget it. One hundred percent. I'm in. I think, what is that? Do you hear that? I do. That's Agnes calling me, from undis--- Totally in! EL MACHO: You know what? I am not so convinced that he is in. [presses a button, releasing Kevin] Evil Kevin: Bah! Gru: Edith! Agnes! come on! [Edith accidentally smacks his head with the baseball bat] Ooof! Edith: [takes off her blindfold] Sorry. GRU: We need to go home now! Where's Margo? AGNES: But I didn't get a turn! Cut to a depressed Margo is sitting alone and eating a guacamole hat. Gru: Margo! [approaches her] Come on, we're leav... Hey, what's wrong? Margo: I hate boys. Cut to Antonio dancing with another girl. Gru: Yes, they stink. Look, sorry, honey, we have to leave. Oops... Sorry. Eduardo: Hey, Polito. What's the matter? Lucy: Oh, hey, Eduardo. EDUARDO: Lucia. I apologize. Pollito, he's usually not like this. The same thing happened the other day with... with Gru...and... Lucy: Oh... well, speaking of Gru... uh, have you seen him? I really need to talk to him. Eduardo: Yes, I think he's somewhere around here. You two are close, no? Lucy: Oh... I don't know. I mean, close, I wouldn't say we're "close". Why, did he say we were close? Did he say that? EDUARDO: It's more than what he didn't say. For instance, he never mentioned... [turns Pollito around, who's holding Lucy's AVL credentials in his beak] that you were both working for the Anti-Villain League! [Lucy gasps in horror] You're coming with me. Lucy: Hey! DR. NEFARIO: Crikey! Meanwhile, the Grus are back home from the Cinco de Mayo party. Edith: So Eduardo's actually El Macho? Cool! Gru: No, it is not cool! Plus, I pretty much knew it was him all along, so if anyone's cool, it's me. DR. NEFARIO: Gru! Gru: Well, Dr. Nefario... DR. NEFARIO: [hastily] El Macho's onto you. He knows you're working for the AVL. And he's got your partner. Gru: [confused] Lucy? Wha.. that's impossible. She's on her way to Australia... EL MACHO: Nefario? DR. NEFARIO: Sorry, gotta go. Agnes: [gasps in horror] He's got Lucy? Gru: [determined] Not for long. [to Dave and Stuart] Come on. We're getting her out of there. Agnes: What was that? MARGO: I don't see anything. AGNES: My unicorn! MARGO: Agnes, no! Come on! Hurry! Move! Edith: What's the matter? Kevin: Ooh-la-la! [regains conscience] Pilatos? Agnes: Kevin! Minions: Kevin! [run over to dog pile him] Margo: Dr. Nefario! You're back! DR. NEFARIO: In the flesh! Behold... The Antidote. Come on. Let's put this horrible jelly to some good use. Gru: Curses! Foiled again! These guys captured me! DR. NEFARIO: Hello, Gru! Gru: Hey, hey! Nice work, Dr. Nefario! Dr. Nefario: I put an antidote in the jelly. [pauses] I mean, I'm happy to create an evil army to destroy the world... But nobody ''messes with my family. '''Gru': Thank you, Doctor. Now let's go get the... [astonished that his daughters are also on board, holding jelly'' guns'']' '''Agnes': Hi! Gru: You brought the girls?! DR. NEFARIO: Yes! Oh. Was that wrong? El Macho: What is happening to my Minions? [pauses] Gru? Gru: You guys take care of the rest of the minions. I'm going to find Lucy. Agnes: Eat jelly, you purple freaks! [fires her jelly gun, but kicks herself out of control] Whoa! Despite that Agnes' jelly gun is somewhat heavy for her, she is still able to neutralize several Evil Minions. Cut to Gru first shooting two evil Minions off the roof at once, neutralizing them both before he steps on one of the Evil Minions' goggles, then shoots the Minions surrounding him back to normal in a slow-motion Matrix style. Once Gru reaches El Macho, the latter kicks Evil Phil at the former, but Gru dodges before shooting Phil back to normal with a intimidating look plastered to his face. Gru: It's over, El Macho. [holds up one of his guns at him] Now where is Lucy? El Macho: [chuckles] Let me show you. [turns to his computer and presses a button] The fountain at the center of the lair stops spewing water, revealing steel doors underneath, which then open, showing Lucy strapped to a rocket, along with a shark and 250 pounds of dynamite. Much to his horror, Gru gasps. Lucy: Oh, hey, Gru! Turns out you were right about the whole El Macho thing, huh? [unconvincingly] Yay. El Macho: One push of this button, and I send that rocket, straight into the same volcano where I faked my death. Only this time... It's for real. Gru: [horrorfied] No! DAVE: Tally ho! EL MACHO: We could have ruled the world together, Gru. But now... You're gonna die. GRU: Lipstick taser! LUCY: Aww. He copied me. EL MACHO: I am not afraid of your jelly guns. DR. NEFARIO: Oh, this ain't a jelly gun, Sunshine. Lucy: Don't worry about me, Gru, I'll be fine! I have survived lots worse than this... Okay, that's not entirely true, [switches from calmly to frantically] I'm actually kind of freaking out up here! Gru: Don't worry. I will get you out of this. All of a sudden, Pollito appears in front of the unguarded remote, making both Gru and Lucy gasp. Pollito looks at them before pressing the remote's red button. Gru: [grumbling; about Pollito] I really hate that chicken. Lucy: Is there a red one? It's usually the red one! Gru sticks the knife he's holding between his teeth before starting to madly pull the wire. Lucy becomes horrified once noticing the volcano. Lucy: Gru, anytime now! Gru: [gasps] Listen, Lucy, we may not get out of this alive. So, I need to ask you a question. Lucy: Uhh... Better make it quick. Gru: If I had asked you out on a date, what would you have said? Lucy: [eager] Are you kidding me?! Yes! Gru: [gasps] JUMP!!! Lucy: [shrieks] Gru: [desperately] Lucy! [swims around frantically] Lucy, where are you?! [relieved] Oh... Lucy! [swims towards her] Lucy: [eagerly] Gru!! [hugs him forcefully, sending both in the water] Sorry. I guess you kind of need your arms to tread water, huh? They'll be back. 147 dates later... Oh...! Edith: Can I be the first to say... Eww! AGNES: Okay. Excuse me! Um, hi, excuse me. Uh, [clears her thoat] Hi, everybody. I'd like to make some toast... GRU: Okay. She... umm... She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. [happily] We love you mothers everywhere, [turns to her parents] and my new mom Lucy is beyond compare. LUCY: Aww... AGNES: To the bride and Gru! Category:Transcripts